Am I a Professional or am I a Person?

In my attempt to claw my way into the entertainment industry, I'm faced with this question a lot. It's exhausting, because I'm in an industry that requires that I be both--I have to be both mechanically disciplined and soulfully authentic. As an artist, I'm supposed to take risks, open my heart, create out of a desire to tell the truth and say what I think and feel. But as my personal agent, I have to think logically, keep in line, be polite, not speak out of turn or else I might burn bridges. That wouldn't be good for business. The nature of the industry itself requires that I be oxymoronic.

Even as I write this, I think, "Are you sure you want to say that? That could make someone think you're angry, or stupid, or over-dramatic, or belligerent, or insecure, or cheesy, or--" The list goes on. It's a bit of a hurricane inside my brain. No one judges us more harshly than ourselves. That why I think it's easy for other people to say to me, "Failure is a part of the process," or, "You have to fail to get better," or, "Learn to love failing." Part of me knows they're right. The other part of me says back, "It's a small world. Everyone says that word travels fast in this business, and if you screw up, everyone will hear about it. How can you tell me to fail more when I work in an industry that crucifies failures?"

And I think the answer to that is like the answer to most impossible, contradictory questions:

You just do it.

And because of that, it's like everyone I meet in this industry, including myself, is on a series of tightropes--off-shooting in different directions but converging on one point in the center that we all want to reach: that fabled and indefinable trophy called "success". We are all walking a fine line, as likely to be pushed off as we are to misstep and fall on our own.

That's not terrifying or anything.

But I have to do it. I have to summon the courage to walk the line and move forward with all the enthusiasm of Shia Labeouf in a Nike commercial--and just do it.