The Cover Letter

Jane Doe

6851 Outtafuks Lane

Getting Tired, OH, 24601

To whom should be concerned,

I am writing to apply for the Generic Employee position at ACRONYM Studios/Productions/Inc. As a relatively functioning human-person, I realize you have approximately eight thousand people applying for this position with the exact same credentials as I have, but allow me to spend the next five minutes attempting to convince you that—in fact—I am the diamond in the rough you’ve been looking for.

Your job posting said that you were looking for someone who is intelligent, fun to be around, talented, omnipresent, and a real self-starter! Even though your posting is about as cookie-cutter as they come, I can assure you that this letter is entirely original and was written with only you in mind. I only want to serve ANAGRAM Studios/Productions/Inc. I have experience in all of these unquantifiable skills, because—believe it or not—I’ve been breathing and interacting with other human-people for over two decades! Of course, I can only prove to you that I have these qualities if I meet you face-to-face, but that won’t happen because you stopped reading about twenty seconds ago.

Let me tell you all of the reasons you should hire me, including a few exaggerated examples of times that I went “above and beyond the call of duty”. I graduated from Just Good Enough University, where I studied a subject that has little-to-nothing to do with the line of work you’re in, but I will now spin to make relevant to this position. I participated in after-school activities that looked good on a resume, but were primarily fluff projects where the local nerd took on most of the responsibilities. Make no mistake, I’ve worked really hard to get to where I am today, but it’s increasingly difficult to explain to you all of the work I’ve done when I’m getting closer and closer to the end of the document, and I’m going to have to make the margins smaller to ensure this letter takes up absolutely no more than one page.

I’ve been a fan of your company’s work since I was a little girl, dreaming about the day I would finally be ordering coffee on behalf of the executive who was in charge of (insert project here). That (project medium) changed my whole life! I want to work for your company—not because I’m in desperate need of an income so I can continue to live in a sketchy apartment with five roommates and a stray ferret for the next ten to fifteen years—but because I truly believe in the work you do.

If you think I would make a wonderful addition to your company, and I’ve been personally recommended in a thinly-veiled display of nepotism, give me a call at (555) 555-5555 or contact me at ipromiseimworthy@yahoo.com. Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,

The Cycle Continues